Breaking Stereotypes: Redefining Relationships as a Neurodivergent Teenager

Connection and communication: Neurodivergent experiences go far beyond societal labels.

While most neurodivergent individuals experience social challenges, that doesn’t mean that they fully lack the ability or skills to communicate. In reality, friends and other connections are often just as important in neurodivergent lives as they are for neurotypicals.

You may be asking: ‘Wait, how do I even make friends?’ Well, common interests are the key to finding new people. Whether it be at school, in school-sponsored organizations, at church, online or through other creative outlets, friends are soon to follow. Simply sharing what you’re passionate about with others showing interest in the same subject is an instant conversation starter.

It’s also valuable to mention the importance of social skills groups. These programs are specifically designed for those who find difficulties in socializing, educating participants on key skills while introducing individuals to a safe, small environment with like-minded peers.

For teenagers, social interaction is essential when it comes to emotional development, the fostering of problem solving skills and the exploration of values or ideas. Neurodivergent adolescents, specifically those with autism or ADHD, find the unwritten norms of society much more difficult to understand or follow, creating an even harder time reaching out towards their peers.

Whether it's simply platonic or even romantic–boundaries established and upheld by both parties are the foundation of a healthy relationship. No matter the circumstance, there isn’t a boundary that is too ‘out there’ or ‘stupid’. True friends or partners are those who you can count on no matter what, and care about you through supposed ‘flaws’ or setbacks.

First and foremost, boundaries require honesty. Staying silent may please another person temporarily, but it will do no good for either you or them in the long run. Boundaries serve as a harm mitigator, not a full-blown brick wall. Neurodivergent or not, we’re all human, and we all have limits. It’s perfectly okay to express your gratitude for a relationship while still saying no.

The subject of affection is especially tricky for the neurodivergent community, with the limits of ‘too much’ and ‘not enough’ feeling impossible to keep up with. Impulse control is key when it comes to relationships, as you don’t want to accidentally trigger the other person with unwanted physical touch or risky words.

Isolation is equally as harmful, as nonengagement only lessens the other person’s disinterest. Whether you intended to increase distance or not, the negative impact remains the same. While some people need to talk everyday to continue a friendship, others may only need a periodic checkup to feel content.

Relationship maintenance all depends on both parties’ preferred routes of communication, individual social batteries, love languages and closeness with one another.

First coined in author and pastor Gary Chapman's book The Five Love Languages, the concept of a ‘love language’ categorizes the ways people prefer to give and receive touch in five ways: Words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, acts of service and receiving gifts.

Utilizing these noticeable patterns builds understanding within a relationship and of another person. For the neurodivergent community, often finding difficulties with perceiving others, the five love languages can serve as a precedent for future communication tactics and successful outreach attempts.

Social cues are a nightmare in itself, but crucial when it comes to building connections with others, especially with neurotypicals. Social cues include body language, verbal emphasis or facial expressions.

Autistic individuals frequently misread or break these social cues through a refusal to maintain eye contact or an abnormal tone of voice. People with ADHD tend to misinterpret attentiveness and social subtext, regularly interrupting and fidgeting.

As mentioned beforehand, honesty is key. Maintaining a sense of truthfulness about your neurodivergent identity is sure to facilitate tolerance within those who are dedicated to pursuing a connection with you.

With other neurodivergents, social cues are simpler to interpret. The art of masking, which many neurodivergent individuals have ingrained within themselves, is easier to abandon when around those who experience identical setbacks.

Yet, with a true friend or loyal partner, effortlessly losing yourself in the flow of conversation is extremely common, therefore forgetting all about societal norms and expectations. Regardless if your person of interest is neurotypical or neurodivergent, pure interest and understanding from both sides is always necessary to create a healthy relationship.